Do I Have Codependency?

  Codependency? Do I have codependency? is a question many people ask us in the psychotherapy service. It’s often a label applied to anyone in a difficult or dysfunctional relationship. That’s not the case. As with other chronic relationship and mental health issues it’s more than a single event. Codependency is not a list of […]

Healthy Shame, Guilt And Remorse

Healthy shame, guilt and remorse exist. Where we have or are about to behave in ways that would cause damage to our relationships to others or ourselves. The feelings help stop our behaviour or to encourage us to make amends. Toxic shame happens where others manipulate us to behave in ways that benefit them to our […]

Emotional Self Abuse

  Emotional self abuse is an internal commentary, or self talk. It will have negative long term effects on your self esteem and confidence. This will lead you to choose relationships and jobs and lifestyles that confirm your low self-opinion. This process confirms your ‘internal bias’. Because of this ‘confirmation bias’, we all have a […]

Self Love Versus Narcissism

Self Love Versus Narcisissim I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don’t want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop […]

Men And Therapy

  Lack of communication can drive a spike between two people wider than any physical distance ― Mark W Boyer “How initially ‘to get her in the sack’ and subsequently to avoid ‘her giving you the sack’ are not identical dilemmas faced by the male species, but they sure have a bizarre habit of being […]

Diagnosing Narcissism

  Diagnosing Narcissism The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one’s narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their […]

Overcoming Shaming Pain

  We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection […]

Why Can’t I leave My Abuser?

  You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren’t alone ― Jeanne McElvaney And when you crush an apple with your teeth, say to it in your heart: Your seeds shall live in my body, And […]

Communicate Your Anger!

  Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul and a trait of a true coward. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will at least know what you stood for—YOU ― Shannon L. Alder A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS I: […]

How Child Trauma Lives On In The Adult

  Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom. But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative. She approaches the task of early adulthood――establishing independence and […]