Why Can’t I leave My Abuser?

4 Comments

  1. Have been the walked away as l had 4 children however the damage still remained with my two sons and me. Sadly my daughter had a child to a similar person like her dad however walked away thankfully. However their courts and father rights left my daughter and grandson vulable no one listen until the day he hit her in public with his son watching we warned the courts he was unsafe to be around this has left both of them tramsa and receiving counselling could have been avoided and also bought back memories for me this is the last thing l wanted to happen to my children

  2. I’m always amazed that there are so few answers to this question. It doesn’t have to be complex. You could ask 1000 people who were or are in this situation and get the same amount of diverse answers to it. I believe that really listening to the abused person without judging or fitting them into holes and allowing them to own their own story is better than putting words into their mouths. Each is in a unique position and deserves to be given the time and safe space to talk. I liked what you said but not everyone who stays is wrong. I certainly couldn’t judge another person. Self esteem issues should be addressed but might not be the answer. Is there a complete answer?

    • Hi Patricia, thanks for your comments.

      I think the issue about staying or leaving are important. There are duty of care issues and child protection issues involved as a professional and I’m clear with people about this. Being non judgemental is important as is being non-collusive. So having clarity about what constitutes bottom lines.

      I don’t judge people who stay in harmful behaviour and situations but neither do I work with that type of situation.

      There are situations in which someone can learn tools and develop resources to manage their relationship to a dysfunctional partner, but this always has to be done with a clear risk assessment.

      So whilst there is room for diversity in stories and experiences there are also clear boundaries and bottom lines and protection issues.

      I work with change as a professional. That’s my role in my client’s lives, to support therapeutic change. Not to rationalise a dysfunctional status quo.

      best

      Noel

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